How can a man like me change?

Honestly not to get all religious on you but you need to pray to the lord for help. Only he can help you get through this. He will not give you more than you can handle. This is a test to make you stronger and you need to ask the lord for help so he recognizes that you need him and he will allow you to see you can do it and he will help. Just pray. That's all i have to say. Hes listening but thing will happen at his time not yours. but he is listening and will help.